By Karl Welzein
Meet Karl Welzein, aka Captain Karl, aka @DadBoner on Twitter—the Midwest's most pretty loser
Karl Welzein is basically lookin' ahead to the weekend, you guys.
His activity is a drag and his spouse kicked him out, yet that's ok. She wears granny panties and is continually shedding wads of money at goal, and his son cries forever. Now his "temporary" roommate, Dave, ate all of the Totino's pizza rolls. back. Karl Welzein is in poor health of this. So ill of this.
Power strikes chronicles the hilarious decline of Karl Welzein on his trip from lifestyles as a Dockers-and-golfshirt-wearing dad to a ponytailed get together maniac who spits out his lifestyles philosophies like a modern day Charles Bukowski (if he most well liked to get under the influence of alcohol at Applebee's).
A middle-aged Michigan local, Karl will be obese, at risk of questionable style and culinary offerings, oblivious to his ingesting challenge, a bad excuse for an worker, captivated with the restroom, and a negative husband, father, and pal . . . yet in his middle he capacity good. He's similar to loads of us—he loves america, man Fieri, daring flavors, Bob Seger, and considering he appears jacked in a good tee and Maui Jim sun shades. Karl is an everyman and prefer no different guy in the world all at once.
Inspired by means of the Twitter feed @DadBoner, Karl ultimately tells his complete tale. He stocks his knowledge on health (1. examine a pic of Stone chilly Steve Austin. 2. Do 'shups 'til you appear to be Stone chilly. three. bring to an end your sleeves), nutrition (Eat basically the filling of the Taco Bell Beefy Melts for optimum style and low-carb health), style (Wearin' boots with jean shorts says "I wish to retain cool, yet I'm prepared if the motion will get hot"), paintings existence (If you don't have a role that makes you need to kill your self, you don't need to drink till you must die), and the bliss of the correct weekend (beers, brats, and babes' chest beefers).
But particularly, it is a tale approximately America—the actual crimson, white, and blue the United States of this day. Welcome to Karl's global. studying this publication is the last word strength circulate.
Read Online or Download Power Moves: Livin' the American Dream, USA Style PDF
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Additional resources for Power Moves: Livin' the American Dream, USA Style
And last but not least, Kris and his disgusting friend Leon. indd 37 8/3/10 3:08:26 PM Thanks to Delia, we were no longer a team of soccer-crazy females... overzealous tailors... or undernourished Goth girls. indd 38 8/3/10 3:08:27 PM Ready to meet the rest of the team? TMP TMP SHUFFLE Why not? It can’t get any worse, right? For the first time, I was a member of an actual team. That day, we were one step closer to our goal. I should have been happy. indd 39 8/3/10 3:08:27 PM Er... And that would affect not only you...
What? That’s it... You’re coming with me! I hope so! My good mood is starting to fade! But... we have to go to math class... Someplace awesome! Trust me, you’ll feel better in a minute. Where are you taking us?! indd 55 8/3/10 3:08:31 PM List? Game? What’s going on? Wait a sec! Delia! Yes? The principal ordered a test game to decide if your team was worth supporting! What game? What do you mean? I mean the test game! indd 56 8/3/10 3:08:31 PM Look, I don’t need coaching, okay? Coach?! Good! Well, if you don’t need my help, then all the better!
Come on! I wouldn’t even wear this to bed! Hey! snif f He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Your uniforms are awesome! Have fun. indd 34 8/3/10 3:08:26 PM That’s it! I’m out! What?! You can’t leave now! You’ve got to be kidding me. It’s Friday! You can’t just up and leave a couple minutes before the big game! Please! Don’t do this to Anya! ... indd 35 8/3/10 3:08:26 PM From there it was simple. Win an idiotic test game... get rid of Leon... and begin to focus on the upcoming tournament. It all seemed so simple...
Power Moves: Livin' the American Dream, USA Style by Karl Welzein